Alice, I feel relieved and enlightened.

 Vahe H Apelian

 

Alice was my mother-in-law. 

Marie, I and our two sons, lived with my in-laws, Alice and Mehran for many years but with my mother-in-law Alice we lived under the same roof for decades. She outlived her husband for almost two decades. We were truly a family and our relations were as family relations go. 

But, Alice at times could become a pain in my neck. She was fastidious, fussy and frugal and very detailed oriented. She was a master dress maker and was employed by a company called Manhattan Industries, where she put together their very first high-end shirts, skirts, or dresses, the company’s designers put on paper. She was a sort of royalty, albeit poorly paid, at the company but she did not mind. With her limited vocabulary she had picked from the school of hard knocks, she learned enough to communicate. 

Had the engineers who devised our dish washer would have come and looked as how well and how much the dishwasher they devised could be loaded neatly and efficiently, Alice would have been their woman. I had long given up on placing a dish or cup in the dish washer for I knew Alice would rearrange it. 

Both of them were God sent to us. During those years when Marie and I were caught up in our works, they filled the house and made it a cozy home, especially for our children. But I called them by their names. I called her Alice and at times when I had to make a point that I had enough hearing that I had not put off the light when I should have, I would call him Digin Alice, or Mrs. Alice. I would address my father-in-law as Baron Mehran. My father and my father-in-law were very good friends.

But I could never call my  mothe-in-law, mother or  mom, and my father-in-law,  father or dad. I simply could not. 

Today I read Dr. Armenag Yeghiayan’s fourth posting of his sequel, “Let us know our language.” In this segment of the sequel, he dwelt on the proper Armenian words in referring to family relations. 

Regarding the mother-in-law and the father-in-law, he wrote the following in translation (the letter h is silent in itself). “Your wife's mother is your zokantch (զոքանչ), and her father is your anher (անէր).  Your husband’s mother is your ghesour (կեսուր) and his father is your ghesrayr (կեսրայր). ATTENTION, NEVER ATTACH THE WORDS HAYR (FATHER), MAYR  (MOTHER) TO THESE FOUR WORDS, that is never say: zokantchmayr (զոքանչմայր) when referring to your wife’s mother, anherhayr (աներհայր) when referring to your wife’s father; ghesourmayr (կեսուրմայր) when referring to your husband’s mother and ghesourhayr (կեսուրհայր) when referring to husband’s father. The Armenian language does not have such structures.”

There I go. The Armenian language in its infinite wisdom has spared attaching the words mother and father to our relationship with our in-laws. I feel vindicated, if anyone thought that I was not courteous enough, and I feel relieved. 

Dr. Armenag Yeghiayan further elaborated on the words used for family relations. I quote in translation.

--Your wife’s sister is your kheni and her brother is your anhertsag, but more appropriately anhervorti (the son of her father), her husband is your khenegal.

Կնոջդ քոյրը քու քենիդ է, եղբայրը՝ աներձագդ կամ նախընտրաբար՝ աներորդիդ, ամուսինը՝ քու քենեկալդ (բաջանախդ):

***

--Your husband’s sister is your dal, brother is your dakr and his wife is your nehr

Ամուսինիդ քոյրը քու տալդ է, եղբայրը՝ տագրդ, ասոր կինը՝ ներդ:

***

--Your sister’s children are your kerhorti

Քրոջդ  որդիները քու քեռորդիներդ են:

***

Your brother’s children are your yeghpororti.

--Եղբօրդ որդիները քու եղբօրորդիներդ են:

***

Your father’s brother is your horeghpayr, sister. Is your horakuyr

--Հօրդ եղբայրը քու հօրեղբայրդ է,  քոյրը՝  հօրաքոյրդ:

***

Your mother’s brother is your moreghpayr or kheri; her sister is your morakuyr

--Մօրդ եղբայրը քու մօրեղբայրդ է քամ քեռիդ, քոյրը՝ մօրաքոյրդ:

***

--The children of brothers and sisters are zarmigs.

Քոյր-եղբայներու զաւակները իրարու զարմիկներ են:

***

--Those born from you are you zavag and zavagner (in pluar), their children are your thor and the their childreen are your zhor

 Քեզմէ ծնողները զաւակներդ են, ասոնց զաւակները՝ քու թոռներդ,  այս վերջիններուն զաւակները՝ծոռներդ,  ասոնց ճանաչելի սերունդնեrը՝ ազգականներդ...