Remembering Rev. Ralph Wolford

No true forgiveness without repentance

Vahe H Apelian

Today I read an article in NY Times titled “Sometimes forgiveness is overrated.” The article is written by Christina Caron and posted in NY Times on June 27, 2024.  The article reminded me of the late Rev. Ralph Wolford of Cincinnati who at times lead our bible study class at the Montgomery Community Church. The author of the article rightfully asks “What is forgiveness” and quotes what others have said, such as, I quote:

“Typically, forgiveness has been understood as “replacing ill will towards the offender with good will,” said Tyler J. VanderWeele, the director of the Human Flourishing Program at Harvard’s Institute for Quantitative Social Science.

Some scholars, such as Robert Enright, have taken it a step further, saying that forgiveness is the choice to give goodness to those who have not been good to you. And although it may be undeserved, he once wrote, forgiveness can foster “qualities of compassion, generosity and even love” toward the person who wronged you.

Others, like Frederic Luskin, a researcher and the director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, view forgiveness as a path toward relinquishing revenge, hatred or grievance without the need for positive feelings — neutral ones are OK. The eventual goal, he said, is “to be at peace with your life.””

Forgiveness is not contemplated only by individuals against those who harmed them. Forgiveness is also contemplated at national level. I have the Armenian nation in mind. Turkey has never acknowledged that the Turkish state committed genocide against the Armenians during its recent history. The Armenian nation has aspired for the recognition, restitution and reparation of the the Armenian Genocide. But that has not happened. Often times, voices have been heard by some in the nation that as a Christian nation, Armenians should forgive the perpetrators of the Armenian genocide for the very reasons cited in the quote and have the descendants of the survivors, who make up a good part of the Armenian nation, move on with life. But I am also reminded of what Rev. Ralph Wolford said. 

I do not remember in what context it was when Rev. Ralph emphatically noted that there is no true forgiveness if there is no repentance. Over the years, situation permitting, I remain reminded and have thought what Rev. Ralph said. I find it to be true. I do not mean to negate what the esteemed individuals noted about forgiving. But after making a full circle, I always come to what Rev. Ralph said, that there is no true forgiveness if there is no repentance. 

But you may remind me that Jesus forgave on the cross those who harmed him. He said ““Father, forgive them; for THEY DO NOT KNOW what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Often times those who harm us, know what they did and may continue doing if not by commission but by omission, having failed to acknowledge the wrong they did, and the harm they caused.

But the purpose of this blog is not about tackling the difficult subject of forgiveness. I simply wanted to capture the moment of having remembered Rev. Ralph Wolford who passed away the year we left Cincinnati and moved to a Worcester County suburb in Massachusetts. It was a pleasure to attend his and Floyd Hammond's animated and thoughtful bible study classes and to know Rev. Ralph in person and his wife Rosemary. We shared a hobby. He also was an avid fisherman. Befriending him also and being members of Montgomery Community Church, and the church’s “The Seekers” bible study class, whose members were  mostly older than us, was one of the high points of our stay in Cincinnati, a city I never envisioned that I will end up spending almost a quarter of century, from 1995 to 2018, let alone finding such a supporting group. By the time we left Cincinnati and moved to a Worcester County suburb in Massachusetts, most members of that bible study class had passed away, and the  rest moved and joined other bible study classes. Rev. Ralph passed away a few months before we left. I simply wanted to reproduce his obituary and remember him. As we say in Armenian:  May the memory of reverend Ralph never wither away Պատուելի Րալֆ-ին յիշատակը անթառամ մնայ։. 

His obituary in local newspaper read.

“Reverend Ralph F. Wolford, 93, of Cincinnati, Ohio passed away peacefully and went home to be in the arms of his Lord and Savior on February 22, 2018. He was born on September 29, 1924 in Wyandot County, Ohio to Chesley and Bertha (Winegardner) Wolford. Ralph is survived by his loving wife, Rosemary (McBride) Wolford, whom he married on June 10, 1945. They enjoyed 72 years together nurturing their loving family and serving God. Ralph never met a stranger and could not be found without a smile on his face. He impacted so many people through the years of his ministry in various churches in both Pennsylvania and Ohio. Ralph was preceded in death by his sisters and brothers-in-law Faye (Harold) Rickenbacher and Mildred (Gerald) Ulrich. In addition to his devoted wife, Ralph is survived by his loving children Joyce (Bob) Zimmerman, Dennis (Christine) Wolford, and Lori (Chris) Phillips. He is also survived by his dear grandchildren Beth Anne (Ryan) LeBeau, Ryan (Heidi) Zimmerman, Jeff (Jackie) Wolford, Tim (Rachel) Wolford, Melissa and Nicholas Phillips and precious great-grandchildren Landon and Kenedi LeBeau, Bailey, Joel, and Reese Zimmerman, and Alyssa, Kiersten, Luke, and Avery Wolford, several nieces and nephews and close family friend Jackie Phillips. Visitation will be held on Sunday March 4, 2018 from 4:00 p.m. until 7:00 p.m. at the Spring Grove Funeral Home, 4389 Spring Grove Ave. Cincinnati, Ohio 45223. A brief visitation will also be held on Monday March 5, 2018 from 10:00 a.m. until the funeral service begins at 11:00 a.m. at the Montgomery Community Church, 11251 Montgomery Rd. Cincinnati, Ohio 45249. The procession will immediately follow the service to the Washington Cemetery, 1741 Washington Ave. Washington Court House, Ohio 43160. Flowers may be sent to the funeral home or memorial donations can be made in Ralph's honor to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society of Cincinnati” (Published by Kentucky Enquirer on Feb. 25, 2018.)