V.H. Apelian's Blog

Wednesday, October 11, 2017
Virgina Apelian: American Armenian Alliance Against Domestic Abuse (AAAaDA)
Sunday, May 4, 2025
Women in Armenia
Բնագիրը կցած եմ։ Attached is my Google aided translation of Lucy Deokmejian’s, April 28, 2025 article on Keghart.com. I took the liberty and changed the title for my blog. The original title in Armenian read: “Are women flowers or a being to give flowers to” (see the original article below). I post this article in memory of Virginia Apelian who founded the Armenian American Alliance Against Domestic Abuse. Vaհe Apelian
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Courtesy Armenianweekly |
Women’s holidays symbolize the continuity of life, love, beauty, and creativity. This symbol has been transformed into a month-long celebration in Armenia, called Women’s Month.
The month begins on March 8, International Women’s Day. While around the world, this day primarily emphasizes women’s rights, achievements, and social roles; in Armenia the holiday has taken on a warmer, more family-oriented tone, becoming a unique occasion for expressing love and respect. This beautiful, festive period culminates on April 7, when the Armenian Apostolic Church celebrates the Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin Mary. This day is declared a day of blessing for mothers and women awaiting the joy of motherhood, valuing the image of the mother and the mission of women as givers of life. On these two days, long lines form especially at flower shops and men seem to compete with each other to see who will give the largest bouquet of flowers to his wife, lover and/or mother.
This preface gives the beautiful impression that women are highly valued and respected in Armenia. But unfortunately, the reality does not paint such a beautiful picture. There is discrimination against women, and even more, there is violence. And it is not that these incidents are recorded only in the “backward” regions of the republic. They also exist in the capital Yerevan. Many people say beautiful things about women at dinner tables and drink toasts, but in real life they show the exact opposite attitude towards the female gender.
If we talk about discrimination, women often have difficulties when applying for a job, when advancing in the workplace, and when maintaining their job during pregnancy and childbirth. The picture is no different at home, where the first and last word is with the man, since this “female root” is probably in third place, giving way to the mother-in-law in second place. There are stereotypes about women, due to which women do not have sufficient participation in decision-making. Stereotypes are also one of the main factors contributing to violence against women.
There are so many examples of disrespect and violence against women in public life that one is momentarily stunned by the existence of such an attitude in our nation. If we only consider the news, we will notice how many cases of violence against women are committed in a week. Some of them happen not because the “victim” is a woman, but because she is the wife of a given man and the man gives himself the absolute right to treat the woman according to his “discretion”. Physical and verbal pressure and acts of violence have reached the point of murder.
Domestic violence is often viewed as an exclusively family problem, and society believes that it should be resolved within the family. This approach makes women more vulnerable, as in many families the opinion of women remains ignored, and their rights are not properly protected.
According to a survey conducted in Armenia in December 2024, 35.7% of participants believe that in order to preserve the family, a woman must tolerate violence, and 27.7% believe that “women deserve to be beaten.” According to police data, the overwhelming majority of recorded cases of domestic violence are physical in nature, and 2/3 of these cases do not result in the initiation of criminal cases due to the lack of complaints from the injured party.
![]() |
See Link 2 below |
It should be noted that the formation of violence is conditioned by a variety of factors: low education level, witnessing violence between parents, child abuse, the presence of several partners or suspicion of a partner’s infidelity, alcohol use, and social norms that give men a “privileged” status and women a subordinate status.
The presentations give a clear idea of the great need in Armenia to organize public campaigns to prevent violence that destroy stereotypes that justify violence. Within the framework of general sex education programs among young people, advocacy work based on the principle of gender equality should be carried out.
It is true that we are talking about Armenia, but this does not mean that similar phenomena do not exist in other countries of the world or that the picture is very different. We are simply interested in ourselves and in valuing women and their role at every opportunity. We need to change the stereotypes that have been fixed in everyone towards women and view women not only as individuals who obey the instructions of their father, brother or husband, who do housework flawlessly, who have an unimportant role in the family, and who are “natural” if they are subjected to insults and beatings.
On the other hand, we see that in the Republic of Armenia, women are entrusted even with high-ranking state positions, such as the ministries of health, education, science, culture and physical education, justice, internal affairs, the positions of prosecutor general, human rights defender and head of the Foreign Intelligence Service, which is only a commendable phenomenon. It is commendable that the Armenian authorities believe in the important role of women in state-building, therefore, they promote the role of women in public and political life, which will certainly have a positive impact on increasing the value of women in society.
***
A woman is not born only to give flowers on holidays. A woman is a flower not only for her beauty, but also for her endurance and uniqueness. Some bloom in the heat, while others in the most barren places, but all the same, they radiate their charm and skills. A woman, like a flower, shines naturally through the gentleness of her heart, the softness of her soul, and the powers hidden within her being.
Link 1: Լիւսի Տէօքմէճեան, Երևան, 28 ապրիլ 2025` Կինը ծաղիկ, թէ՞ ծաղիկ նուիրելու էակ։
Link 2: Virgina Apelian: American Armenian Alliance Against Domestic Abuse (AAAaDA): https://vhapelian.blogspot.com/search?q=Domestic+abuse
Friday, January 17, 2025
Senseless deaths in Armenia – 2/2 -: In Memory of Virginia Apelian
Vahe H Apelian
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Virginia Apelian, Armenian women protesting against domestic violence. |
On January 16, 2025, Armenpress reported that the Minister of Internal Affairs Arpine Sargsyan has said that crime rate has dropped in Armenia. On the same day Azatutyuan.am reported that the “Minister Arpine Sargsian downplayed a 16% increase in armed robberies shootouts and other firearm-related crimes registered by the Armenian police.”
Has crime rate dropped or increased in Armenia? Instead of dwelling on numbers and percentages, let us read what Lucy Deukmejian from Armenia wrote about such crimes. Surely there is much more than statistics to these violent crimes. A few days ago, I posted Lucy Deukmejian’s take on the senseless deaths in Armenia due to car accidents. See the link below.
In this blog I will present what Lucy Deukmejian reported about violent crime in the same article she posted in Keghart.com. See the first link below.
She wrote:
“The second type of senseless deaths is much more dangerous. Almost every day, arguments occur that end in stabbing or murder. This phenomenon is recorded happening not only between minors, or people who have a quarrel or disagreement, or even among friends, but also among relatives. The victim or the murdered sometimes is an elderly mother/father, mother-in-law or a relative be it a family member. It is a sad and shameful phenomenon that is not appropriate for any community, let alone the Armenian people who consider themselves civilized.
Other nations and peoples are not free from such criminal behavior, but for a people with a thousand-year civilization, who lead in culture and in art, believe in God’s judgment and have faith, violence and bloodshed have no place and should not be the way out of a disagreement or a retribution by any “possible” means, even resorting to “kitchen pan”. How disturbing it is to often read about such incidents in the news as rescue workers discover human bodies in various places.
This alarming phenomenon has become an everyday occurrence, and is also reflected in the scripts of local TV series. Violence is presented as a normal phenomenon, which serves as a wrong example for viewers, especially the new generation. Do we really want to have a generation growing up, imitating their parents, who start by shouting “I’ll break your head”, during a disagreement and end with “I’ll beat you to death”? And perhaps a few moments later actually beat and kill.
We must definitely work to reform this fundamentally wrong “upbringing.” We, as Armenians, are not guided by the “law of the jungle,” while we as a nation have the ambition to “get closer” to the European value system, where, despite the presence of many features that are alien or incompatible to us, there are elementary laws and rights that respect human values.”
In stating crime toward “elderly mother/father, mother-in-law or a relative be it a family member”, Lucy Deukmejian was alluding to domestic violence. On the same day, January 16, 2025, during the government session, the PM Pashinyan noted that the government may interfere in domestic violence cases. The social structure in Armenia is highly patriarchal and conservative. The family is sacrosanct and any hint from the government interfering in domestic issues is considered interfering in the sanctity of the family.
I dedicated this second part of the “senseless deaths in Armenia” to Mrs. Virginia Apelian. She passed away a few months ago. Virginia took a trip to Armenia from April 28 to May 9, 2017, to address domestic violence. In Armenia she was hosted by Maro Matossian who runs a shelter for battered women in Armenia. Virginia reported grim statistics about domestic violence in Armenia. She also noted that Diaspora organization have shied from addressing domestic violence concerned that they will be perceived intruding in the family. Driven by such concerns she founded the Armenian American Alliance Against Domestic Abuse. See the link below.
***
“We do not need senseless deaths – Մեզի անիմաստ մահեր պէտք չեն» by Lucy Deukmejian.
https://keghart.org/lucy-deukmejiandeukmejian-meaningless-deaths/
We do not need senseless deaths -1/2 -: In memory of MP Mher Sargsyan, by Vahe H Apelian
http://vhapelian.blogspot.com/2025/01/senseless-deaths-in-armenia-in-memory.html
Virgina Apelian, Armenian-American Alliance Against Domestic Abuse, by Vahe H Apelian
http://vhapelian.blogspot.com/2017/10/american-armenian-alliance-against.html
Saturday, May 3, 2025
Women in Armenia
Բնագիրը կցած եմ։ Attached is my Google aided translation of Lucy Deokmejian’s, April 28, 2025 article on Keghart.com. I took the liberty and changed the title for my blog. The original title in Armenian read: “Are women flowers or a being to give flowers to” (see the original article below). I post this article in memory of Virginia Apelian. Vaհe Apelian
![]() |
Courtesy Armenianweekly |
Women’s holidays symbolize the continuity of life, love, beauty, and creativity. This symbol has been transformed into a month-long celebration in Armenia, called Women’s Month.
The month begins on March 8, International Women’s Day. While around the world, this day primarily emphasizes women’s rights, achievements, and social roles; in Armenia the holiday has taken on a warmer, more family-oriented tone, becoming a unique occasion for expressing love and respect. This beautiful, festive period culminates on April 7, when the Armenian Apostolic Church celebrates the Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin Mary. This day is declared a day of blessing for mothers and women awaiting the joy of motherhood, valuing the image of the mother and the mission of women as givers of life. On these two days, long lines form especially at flower shops and men seem to compete with each other to see who will give the largest bouquet of flowers to his wife, lover and/or mother.
This preface gives the beautiful impression that women are highly valued and respected in Armenia. But unfortunately, the reality does not paint such a beautiful picture. There is discrimination against women, and even more, there is violence. And it is not that these incidents are recorded only in the “backward” regions of the republic. They also exist in the capital Yerevan. Many people say beautiful things about women at dinner tables and drink toasts, but in real life they show the exact opposite attitude towards the female gender.
If we talk about discrimination, women often have difficulties when applying for a job, when advancing in the workplace, and when maintaining their job during pregnancy and childbirth. The picture is no different at home, where the first and last word is with the man, since this “female root” is probably in third place, giving way to the mother-in-law in second place. There are stereotypes about women, due to which women do not have sufficient participation in decision-making. Stereotypes are also one of the main factors contributing to violence against women.
There are so many examples of disrespect and violence against women in public life that one is momentarily stunned by the existence of such an attitude in our nation. If we only consider the news, we will notice how many cases of violence against women are committed in a week. Some of them happen not because the “victim” is a woman, but because she is the wife of a given man and the man gives himself the absolute right to treat the woman according to his “discretion”. Physical and verbal pressure and acts of violence have reached the point of murder.
Domestic violence is often viewed as an exclusively family problem, and society believes that it should be resolved within the family. This approach makes women more vulnerable, as in many families the opinion of women remains ignored, and their rights are not properly protected.
According to a survey conducted in Armenia in December 2024, 35.7% of participants believe that in order to preserve the family, a woman must tolerate violence, and 27.7% believe that “women deserve to be beaten.” According to police data, the overwhelming majority of recorded cases of domestic violence are physical in nature, and 2/3 of these cases do not result in the initiation of criminal cases due to the lack of complaints from the injured party.
![]() |
See Link 2 below |
It should be noted that the formation of violence is conditioned by a variety of factors: low education level, witnessing violence between parents, child abuse, the presence of several partners or suspicion of a partner’s infidelity, alcohol use, and social norms that give men a “privileged” status and women a subordinate status.
The presentations give a clear idea of the great need in Armenia to organize public campaigns to prevent violence that destroy stereotypes that justify violence. Within the framework of general sex education programs among young people, advocacy work based on the principle of gender equality should be carried out.
It is true that we are talking about Armenia, but this does not mean that similar phenomena do not exist in other countries of the world or that the picture is very different. We are simply interested in ourselves and in valuing women and their role at every opportunity. We need to change the stereotypes that have been fixed in everyone towards women and view women not only as individuals who obey the instructions of their father, brother or husband, who do housework flawlessly, who have an unimportant role in the family, and who are “natural” if they are subjected to insults and beatings.
On the other hand, we see that in the Republic of Armenia, women are entrusted even with high-ranking state positions, such as the ministries of health, education, science, culture and physical education, justice, internal affairs, the positions of prosecutor general, human rights defender and head of the Foreign Intelligence Service, which is only a commendable phenomenon. It is commendable that the Armenian authorities believe in the important role of women in state-building, therefore, they promote the role of women in public and political life, which will certainly have a positive impact on increasing the value of women in society.
***
A woman is not born only to give flowers on holidays. A woman is a flower not only for her beauty, but also for her endurance and uniqueness. Some bloom in the heat, while others in the most barren places, but all the same, they radiate their charm and skills. A woman, like a flower, shines naturally through the gentleness of her heart, the softness of her soul, and the powers hidden within her being.
Link 1: Լիւսի Տէօքմէճեան, Երևան, 28 ապրիլ 2025` Կինը ծաղիկ, թէ՞ ծաղիկ նուիրելու էակ։
Link 2: Virgina Apelian: American Armenian Alliance Against Domestic Abuse (AAAaDA): https://vhapelian.blogspot.com/search?q=Domestic+abuse
Thursday, September 12, 2024
Virginia Apelian (1934- September 11, 2024)
It is with profound sadness that learned of the passing away of Virginia Apelian. She with her husband Henry were godparents to our wedding and to our son Daniel’s baptismal. She was a talented, colorful and civic minded lady. For many years she acted as the Armenian community’s representative to the NJ governor's office and secured the governor’s April 24 Armenian Genocide commemoration declaration. Attached is my reproduction of her obituary and the link about her last mission to Armenia for the benefits of the women in Armenia. Vahe H Apelian
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https://parsippanyfuneral.com/tribute/details/3539/Virginia-Apelian/obituary.html#tribute-start |
“Virginia Apelian (nee Matosian) passed away on Sept.11th at her Parsippany, NJ home. She was 89.
Born in Turkey, she immigrated to the United States as a young girl, settling in Paterson, NJ. She later raised her own family in Clark, NJ, and subsequently lived in Manchester Township before moving to Parsippany in 2007.
Mrs. Apelian earned a BA in psychology from Douglass College at Rutgers University in 1975 while raising a family of four children with her husband. An active member of her community, she often volunteered her gifts for the benefit of others, including holding public office as president of the Town Council in Clark, NJ. Her various other employments included her role as executive assistant for NJ Assemblyman William J. MacGuire, assertiveness training counselor, and teacher. Virginia actively served various causes that were important to her and her deeply held Christian faith, including a personal mission to Armenia to advocate for women who were victims of domestic abuse.
Her life was a joyous adventure, in which to paint, sing, spend hours tending her flower garden, and enjoy her family. In her later years, Mrs. Apelian authored several books, including a memoir of her experience as an Armenian immigrant to America called "Musa Dagh Girl: Daughter of Armenian Genocide Survivors," a self-improvement book called "Truly Beautiful Inside and Out," and a charming children's book titled "Aliens Celebrating Christmas."
Virginia is survived by her beloved husband of over 65 years, Henry M. Apelian; four loving children, Arminee Curran and her husband, Timothy of Colonia, NJ, Gregory Apelian of Rio Rancho, New Mexico, David Apelian and his wife, Heidi of Denville, NJ, and Christopher Apelian and his wife, Paula of Madison, NJ; ten grandchildren; and three great-grandchildren. She is survived by her sister Alice White and was preceded in death by her brother, Michael Matosian, and her sisters Rosemary Habeshian, and Alice Matosian.
Relatives and friends are invited to attend the visitation on Saturday, Sept. 14th, 10:30am-12:30pm at SJ Priola Parsippany Funeral Service, 60 North Beverwyck Road, Lake Hiawatha (Parsippany), NJ. The Funeral Service will be celebrated at 1:00pm in the funeral home. Interment will follow at Rockaway Valley Cemetery, in Boonton Township, NJ. Flowers will be graciously accepted as Virginia loved them. However, for those who prefer, memorial gifts can be made to the Armenian Presbyterian Church in Paramus NJ [ Giving - Armenian Presbyterian Church (apcparamus.com) ] in her memory.”
Link
Virginia Apelian: Armenian American Alliance Against Domestic Abuse:
http://vhapelian.blogspot.com/2017/10/american-armenian-alliance-against.html
Thursday, April 25, 2024
A kind of domestic violence
“On April 12, Armenia’s National Assembly made history by approving a comprehensive set of amendments to the law on Prevention of Domestic Violence, Protection of Persons”, wrote Ani Jilozian in the Armenian Weekly. It is known that stress, and the response to stressful situations, are factors that trigger domestic violence.
Well, Armenia as a whole is undergoing a kind of domestic violence such as the verbal abuse the Prime Minister’s wife Anna Hagobyan was subjected to at the eternal flame for the commemoration of the Armenian genocide.
The reason of Armenia’s domestic violence is political. Regretfully, instead of helping rationalize the factors, both secular and the religious leaders, especially the leaders of the Armenian Apostolic Church, whose eminence in the life of country is enshrined in Armenia’s constitution, are failing by their inaction, which may be by commission and as well as by omission.
Let me state some of the factors that are being made to inflame the Armenian public further, instead of helping it to overcome the stresses.
“Historical Armenia vs Real Armenia”.
Of course, I am referring to the verbiage the PM resorted to convey what the presidents of Armenia resorted to since Armenia regained its independence on September 21, 1991. Levon Ter Petrosyan, first as the president of the Supreme Council of the Republic of Armenia, and subsequentl as the first nationally elected president of Armenia, followed by presidents Robert Kochariyan, and Serzh Sargsyan repeatedly stated that Armenia has no territorial claim from Turkey. We know as well as they knew, that the territory that constitutes Turkey is partly historical Armenia. But the presidents factored it not to be in the best interest of Armenia, which is the "real Armenia", thus chose to ignore it. Surely not to forget it. Chosing to forget is an impossibility. The issue is how to address a memmory. The presidents, who presently lead the opposition, did what they had to do and is expected to know better than to stir emotions but to temper emotions.
“No pre-condition”.
Much like under the governance of Civil Contract party led by the PM, Nikol Pashinyan, the presidents and their parties that governed Armenia during the previous three decades made “no pre-condition” their policy to normalize Armenia’s relations with Turkey, which meant for the Turks not to ask about Armenian genocide related questions when Armenia politically does not have a genocide issue to tell, in a sort "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy that will continue be Armenia's as it was.
“List of victims of the Armenian Genocide”.
On September 27, 2024, Andranik Kocharyan, a high placed Civil Contract coalition official anda member of the National Assembly created controversy with his comment regarding the creation of a list of the Armenian genocide victims, which, he calimed can be more of less than 1.5 millions.
My namesake friend Vahe B. let me know that surely Mr. Kocharian knows that legal genocide entails the intent of the perpetrator to commit the genocide, and the numbers by themselves do not constitute genocide. The MP most likely wanted to send a signal to Turkey that Armenia may be willing to join what was envisioned in the Zurich protocols, a Joint Historical Commission. Interestingly, the FM of Turkey expressed its reservation to the PM Nikol Pashinyan's genocide address and called on “all parties to support our proposal to create a Joint Historical Commission, as well as the ongoing settlement process with Armenia.”
Readers may recall the Zurich Protocols, which entailed bilateral protocols president Serzh Sargyan's FM Edward Nalbandian signed in 2009 with his Turk counterpart. The Protocols envisioned the establishment of formal diplomatic relations and the opening of the Turkish-Armenian border (which has been closed since 1993), and the establishment of a joint historical commission on the Armenian genocide issue. The protocols did not take a life of their own as they were not ratified. The Turkish parliament did not ratify it.
When it comes to state bilateral relations with Turkey Armenia will do what it has to do to assure that Armenia stays a viable state where the citizens of Armenia and their children can have a peaceful and a prosperous life.
The same considerations drove the first republic of Armenia interior minister Aram Manoukian and Catholicos Kevork V to host the Turkish visiting dignitaries, while Avedis Aharonian visited Istanbul seeking improved relations between the two countries. The two republics established a state level formal relations.
It behooves the leadership of Armenia, especially the opposition leaders and the Armenian Apostolic Church, to deal wisely with the political stresses and help educate especially the young and the impressionable to learn deal with political stress.